Are You Secretly Lonely?

Loneliness300By Ivana Pejakovic —

Although loneliness can be a result of not having anyone around you, I’m sure you also know that loneliness doesn’t always have to do with being alone. It’s a feeling that can exist even as you have a full and flourishing social life. Being lonely is about both, physical and emotional separation from the group.

What does loneliness feel like? It feels like being different, like you don’t fit in, are not understood, and like you don’t have back-up, support or anyone on your side.

Loneliness has a knack for popping up when you feel you aren’t good enough, when you feel you have something to hide, and when you place others on a pedestal because they appear to have it all together.

Here are 4 reasons you may be feeling disconnected.

Not doing anything. For you, loneliness really may be a result of staying at home too much without putting effort to go out and add experiences to your life. The couch at home has become a comfort zone, even though it causes emotional discomfort in life. The isolation happened overtime as you slowed down your social activities to take care of your family and life responsibilities without even realizing change in lifestyle; now it’s hard to get back into it. Isolation can also be a deliberate choice. If you’ve had something embarrassing happen to you, like a major failure, or if you’ve been disappointed, you may have chosen to draw back from the crowd because you still carry the burden of shame and fear of rejection from the group.

Don’t have the right social group. If you happen to be a part of a big social group, the problem may be that the people you hang out with are a mismatch to who you are, to your interests and what you care for in this world. For the most part, this group is on a different track in life, leaving you feeling totally disconnected (not having anything in common) and misunderstood. This type of group can leave you feeling as if something is wrong with you. If this rings true for you, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you; only your social group. Invest time and energy in finding a group who is on the same path as you. You’ll soon realize how perfectly normal you really are.

No support. Are you looking for someone to give you a few words of encouragement and support as you trek out to complete your purpose in life. Or, maybe you would like to receive a little recognition for your actions and effort? For you, loneliness is probably rooted in years of physical and emotional abandonment. Women, who as children, had very little support from parents and family members, or who didn’t have a stable childhood home are more likely to grow up feeling lonely and on their own. For them life is all about staying alert to future abandonment and pushing away friends and potential partners “before THEY have the chance to abandon ME.” Pushing others away make it hard for them to give support to you.

Don’t like your own company. There’s a percentage of women, who struggle to accept their own company. They will run around and try new things and meet new people. They are constantly off to explore the next best thing because they don’t want to be home alone. For these women, it doesn’t matter how much support they get from others or how much they are aligned with those around them. If they don’t accept who they are, it’s difficult for them to connect with anyone else around them. They will continue to feel lonely and search for bigger and better things. Do you think you may fall into this group? Slow down to see what you need to accept about yourself. You can’t be on the run forever.

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